The balleReyna and the Crown

from poppywilliams.blogspot.com

I've heard from someone that the person you used to be as a child were clues and will be very evident in most aspects of who you'd become as an adult. If that's the case then, as a little girl, I used to imagine my bed as a swimming pool, diving, tumbling, jumping, and courageously doing somersaults on it.It's just this; I simply crave the feeling that I was like at the edge of a cliff--unsafe but I could see the beauty of the landscape. I used to be the playmate of danger you know. 
Well I wasn't really that "hard core" in my games. (laughs) I also got my close-to-normal-kids way  of playing. I remember being glued to this favorite book of mine, “A Treasury of Fairy Tales”. It was funny how I pretend to be the host of a story telling television show for kids. As a kid from the 90's, the "Batibot" tv program influenced me a lot. I would try all my might to enunciate properly every word I utter because for every tiny mistake I would make, that meant that I had to start all over again back from how I started. I almost memorized the whole first part of the riding hood tale! At such a young age, I used to aim for perfection, no less. A queen can't make a single mistake.

dollsville.com

She Pretends to wear the CrownWhat I thought back then: “I got to be perfect in every ways I can.”
What I think now: “I am imperfect but it's totally fine, because every day, there will always be that something that I am to look forward to; I will keep on searching while secretly hoping to NOT find easily my ultimate goal, because the finding part is the best part in every game."

from thefalloutgirl.wordpress.com

So, because my mom noticed that I had the interest to break my bones in no time out of doing exhibitions on my bed, she rationally thought to take me into a ballet school but not into a gymnastics club. She claimed that in gymnastics, people were barefoot during practices, so there’s a risk that I would get an athlete’s foot, alipunga in tagalog. Unlike in dancing, I would be having a pair of dainty shoes. Then that was it, my mom was happy, because I was safe from fungal infections.

Disregarding the fungus side of the story, since then, dancing had become a fill in as a talent on those pa-cute-days of being in a pageant. I performed for the intermission number on various events in grade school. In college, I gave it a shot to be a part of the Dance Company of my Alma mater for me to try other forms of dances, but you know, my genre never left me. Even when I was in the college student publication, while others would be assigned on managerial responsibilities on big events, mine would be performing the intermission. Not again! Until the day I realized, it had already consumed my being. I used to think that the grace and the sophistication in dancing meant perfection. I just used to.


As She Finally Broke the Crown
"Everything is beautiful at the ballet""Oh yes, being at the center stage, blinded by the spot light, clothed with so much glitz and glamour, and awe inspired by the deafening claps!"-- said by the pretender inside me. "Damn no! It isn't just it!"--exclaimed by the honest voice inside me.After years of writing silent poetry in my dancing, I finally figured out that I DON'T need a crown. There, I broke it and threw it in the trash bin! It was damn useless!
At the backstage, there were things beyond having dead toe nails, enduring a sprain, and muscle pains. Those were too shallow. Fighting for a passion and not listening to those who want to put me in a safe box, adds the soul on those unrehearsed dance pieces. It's the I-rule-my-world kind of attitude of mine. I could only be a Queen, Reyna of my own life but not of someone else's.

from shutterstock images

I knew it. The way I felt years ago that a pair of shoes was going to fit me right someday was like magic. It's fine that it can only be published right on the spot then gone forever in the eyes but I know, it'll genuinely stay in the soul.

I am now ready to become a LEGACY in my most loved craft. I am to be remembered through this. I would love to tell endlessly to my students that fairy tales are for real, just as what I believed when I was a kid. You know, it isn’t just teaching simple ballet. 

Girls and boys of my generation, and of different walks of life, I am teaching what the flow is all about: to go on and continue breathing and spinning through the monstrous distractions along the path. I also want others to feel that unexplainable excitement once you're walking on your toes. That annoying feeling that you know you might fall any time but that's it! It is resisting to fall down, and daring to violate the law of gravity. 

I can't dance forever. But so long as I am alive, I will continue to mold beings who will be the same or better than me. I will teach and inspire. In that way, my spirit won't die on earth.

from kashuen.com

"I want neither the crown, nor the glamour, I simply want people who's believing in me though I'm not and will never be the greatest queen of all time"








--Ballereyna